অকস্মাৎ

একটু ও জানতে পারিনি

বিশ্বাস কর!

কিন্তু কি যে হল হঠাৎ-

রাতের আঁধার আমায় ঘিরে ধরে

আপাদমস্তক

দুহাতে সরাতে যত যাই

দুর্ভেদ্য চাদর কেন

সরেনা একটুও কিছুতেই

হাতের আঙুল খুঁজে স্তব্ধতা

গ্রাস করে মন।

কোথায় হারিয়ে গেল

আমার একান্ত প্রিয় জন।

আমি যে চক্ষু হীন

তবুও হিয়ার প্রকট

উপস্থিতি

তুমি না জানিলে কিছু

নতুন এ দেহের আকৃতি।

আছে সব- তবু সেই

দুর্ভেদ্য চাদর

আমাদের করিয়াছে

এই জনমের মত পর।

পাগলামি

সে আমাকে গোপনে

অজস্র বার বলেছে

আসলে সে নিজেই জানেনা

কেন দিন রাত এক করে

কার জন্যে কেঁদেছে ।

আমার অবিশ্বাসী ঠোঁটে

তাচ্ছিল্যের হাসি

দেখে তাই মুখ ফিরিয়েছিল
মুখেতে চোখ রেখে দেখে

বলেছিল- তুমি নয়, ঠিক আমি ।

মুহূর্তের মায়ায় তাই

প্রশ্ন করি- কে তোমার প্রেমিক

তুমি কার জন্যে কাঁদো?

জানেনা কেন কাঁদে, শুধু বুক ফেটে

কান্না আসে, এমনি পাগলামি ।

I was entering the room of the practising psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Bannerjee.

-" Hello Boudi!"

-" Hello Bannerjeeda! I am desparately looking for some help", I told

-Doctor looked at me . His attention shifted from the paperweight.

-"What Boudi? Ask me no?"

-"Bannerjeeda, I want to do a research. But I know nobody around who can help me."

His eyes became relaxed. " Oh-- hoh, only this much? Surely I will Boudi."

.................

I came out of his chamber when somebody from the front desk came and announced "Dada is looking for you."

..........

My husband came out of his chair and called, " Come with me , at once," I could not keep up with his pace. He was running straight in to the room of Dr Bannerjee.

..........

Dr Bannerjee was slowly breaking into a laugh.

" Samirda, Dont worry. Boudi wants to do a research. Thats nice. At least, at this age, she doesn't want to take a lesson in vocal classical." He winked. Now both of them laughed. Samir was relaxed to know that his wife is not mental. I kind of got annoyed at the mention of classical music. But I had to digest. Dr Sanjay Bannerjee is going to help me in this pursuit.

............

Very carefully I crossed the road. Yes, I have come to meet Dr Snehangshu Dasgupta, Professor emeritus of Applied Psychology at Rajabajar Science College. A feel of sudden elevation made me take the decision to avoid lift. I ran up the stairs as if I am again a twentyone years student.
There he was. At the cornermost room on the third floor of this historic building. I bowed a little and tried to sound like a normal human, but couldn't.  He was a man in his sixties and in perfect perception of what was going on. I could hear him say - "take a seat first." His eyes were more like a father than a stranger.


..............

I was a little disappointed when Dr Dasgupta told that I should do my research on a topic related to my mother subject, commerce. Otherwise it won't be of much significance. The beauty lies in his not questioning my background or not being curious about my sudden love for education. His first guidance was to direct me to meet Dr sudipti Banerjee for further assistance. I was a bit stubborn about being guided by Dr Dasgupta in any possible way. He smiled back indulgently and told- "yes, I will be the cosupervisor". I was surprised to see the look of confidence in his eyes. How could he be so sure about me on the very first day!



................

Merry Christmas

Iswar tomake

Tomake sompurno kore pabar age

Bhishon bhabna hoechhilo amar

obiroto onabrishtir majhe

shukno phata matir opor

prothom borshar podokheper moton

tomake paoa....

hridoy amar nachere ajike...

thik dhorechho- nijeke prokash kora-

nijer moton kore, hoini kokhono

rabindranath bachie diechhen--

Tomake sompurno kore paoar somoy

ki kore kokhon hothath holo

bujhte parini, kebol amar somosto

astitwa chapie, aro probol praner joar

jano sudhu gorve noi- amar somosto shorir

amon ki somosto chetona jure notun praner sonchar.

kosturir gondhe horinir pagol hoa

ar tomake onubhob korte korte amar pagol hoa

obikol ak

ato kichur majhe, mone korini kokhono-

harateo hoi. amar tomake paoa nitanto samoyik

karon kaler niome tumi harabei

praner joar gele prane bhatao ashe

majhsomudrer nistorongo gobhirota daoni tumi

tai mone hoi- tomake sompurno kore paoa

amar hoini kokhono.

nijer songe nijer khalae mete

bhebechhi tomake peyechhi- kintu

akta manush ar akta manushke paena kokhono-

tai

ami poraner sathe khelibo ajike moronokhela---

The Starting Point:

I looked here and there in search of a familiar face. My spectacles perfectly hid the nervousness. To my despair, there was none.

Instantly, I thought to return to my cage. What is the point of doing a higher degree at this age? I recall the bewildered expression of my husband, " Gugul, what's wrong with you? why do you want to do this? we people consider you intelligent enough!" Intelligent enough to run the daily chores, I thought. he bent a little on the table. inspite of being so tired, he talked to me for a while. " See, this Ph D takes a whole lot of practical thing to do, not only studying books and journals will help. and, at this age, you have so many responsibilities! I mean maa has become so old... " I looked straight into his eyes. He is resisting change. He could not cope with the change that I was intending to make. I almost felt a tickle in my stomach.

.......

At last I talked. I told him that it was very important for me and i wanted it badly. He said, I could do it provided... Provided what? Provided my duties and responsibilities were well satisfied.

The journey begins.